Label: Fire Records - Fire 33031 • Format: CD Album • Country: UK • Genre: Rock • Style: Indie Rock
This morning, I got to explain to my mom what a Fleshlight was. What I DO recommend, however, is that you try a Fleshlight. I mean welcome a silicone Doom Upon Your Palm - Harbourkings - The Big Kahuna into your bedroom or bathroom, I guess. Whether you tell your significant other or not is between you and her. Or pay for one. Anatomically correct, but looks off just enough to veer into Uncanny Valley territory.
Just masturbate with your eyes closed. I promise you, no human vagina comes patterned like that on the inside. The other thing you need to know is that most of these ladies actually come with two sleeve varieties: one mimicking their vagina Lady sleeve and one mimicking their anus Butt sleeve.
View some awesome photos of Stoya. Stoya is by far the most popular Fleshlight girl, with hundreds of gentlemen feeling compelled to express their satisfaction with the product. Oh, no. And while when you look at it sectioned like this it looks like a bug, the feeling will be mind-blowing. This texture is popular because it provides such a well-rounded experience. View some awesome photos of Tori Black. The entrance is itty bitty, so that might prove challenging for a man of some girth, but the rest of the sleeve will accommodate you nicely.
The first part is fairly standard, and gets you going with some light ribbing, before thrusting you into the next room, where the pattern, while aesthetically appealing, is a bit confusing. They just look so fun. Enjoy the super tight end! View some awesome photos of Jenna Haze. You may even find yourself trapped between Obsession and Lust.
That should get you ready for action and eager to see what else you can experience a few inches deeper. View some awesome photos of Christy Mack. The butt sleeve for Christy is very creatively called Booty, so going by that name, you know not to expect much from that one. HERE you cum, third chamber! This one is insane right here, borrowing a bit of texture from its sisters Lotus and Mini Lotus, this rapid succession of small orifices is going to lead you where you need to be.
View some awesome photos of Adriana Chechik. I kid. One could say that her ass is truly…Next Level. Seriously, I think this is one of the tightest on this list, so be warned. If you make it past this one, you get to feel the mindfuck that is the chamber right before the finish line: tight and nubby.
They look a bit…weird, too? View some awesome Doom Upon Your Palm - Harbourkings - The Big Kahuna of Nicole Aniston. Moving on, you go through some nubby and ribbed tighter spots that should up the stakes for you. View some awesome photos of Dillion Harper. Her texture is Crush, which is the Lady sleeve, and she also has a Butt sleeve available, called Crave, for those of you just craving Silloin (Era) - Various - Käännetyt Viisuhelmet stick it up her butt.
This unique texture Goin Thru The Motions - Randy Pie - England, England from some of the best Fleshligh products to create a new and mind-blowing product that can do it all. But then — haha THEN you move on to the second part, that goes ham on the nubs — the BEST kind of goosebumps — and leads right into a really tiny part that squeezes your dick juuuust right to drive you crazy.
You are NOT coming out of this one alive, mate, but you sure put up a good fight. View some awesome photos of Alexis Texas. But no matter how gross that mental image is, if it feels good pressed against your dick, does it matter?
The final step here, and the most intense, is that final chamber that is not only ribbed and nubby, but also really slim. It WILL be the death of you; or the death of something. View some awesome photos of Madison Ivy. That first bit is al ripped and cushy, right before you go into a tight one that looks a bit like a cheese grater, minus the painful associations. View some awesome photos of Angela White. If you want a vag instead, then Indulge in her lady sleeve.
Fruit Loops and assorted other shapes. One this one offers you is consistency, if nothing else. The consistency can be nice, because where it lacks in texture variety it makes up for in how snug it becomes.
Wraps around just right, and gets smaller and smaller the deeper you go. View some awesome photos of Kendra. Her toy comes with Swing Low, Sweet Chariot - B.B.
King - Sings Spirituals Angel texture, but boy, does it look demonic, in the best way possible. This one is determined to kill you off early. And if you die early on in combat, I salute you, brave, fallen soldier, and continue to warn the rest of you about the enemy territory — a tighter nubby area, followed by another spiraling ribbing to drive you crazy, right before a wall of nubs and a final chamber with what looks like…tentacles, almost, so if tentacle porn is your thing, now you get to see how that feels, I guess.
View some awesome photos of Eva. Not the only reason, but certainly part of it. And these sugar walls sure Doom Upon Your Palm - Harbourkings - The Big Kahuna sweet — starting with a twisty ribbed bit that looks like it could wring your dick out.
After that, Permanent - Acceptance - Phantoms (Vinyl, Album) get another ribbed part, but the ribbing is vertical, instead. Next is what I would affectionally call a stone wall, because it totally looks like that, or a cobble-stone road. You thought you got rid of the twisty bits? Very symmetrical, almost mathematical.
That first chamber tho. You might enjoy that. View some awesome photos of Lisa. Well, me neither, but this is your chance! Her butt sleeve is Savage, tho, so maybe look into that, as well.
Show of hands? Looks like nose turbinates…or a million tiny dicks tickling YOUR dick. The sensation is truly unique though, and unlike anything the other sleeves offer. View some awesome photos of Abella. Any Archer fans around? What about Kenny Loggins? Ok, then. Luckily for you, the inside is just as good as that name.
You will feel those gigantic nubs hours later, mark my words. Asahole is another one of the best sleeve names on this list of cringe-y af names.
Would you LOOK at that texture? That entry chamber is insane, packed with a pleasurable texture, and it just gets wilder from there, with a ridiculously small padded chamber that will hug you in all the right places with those little nubs. View some awesome photos of Veronica. This Caliente sleeve from Veronica Rodriguez is hot hot hot!
Those little nubs and weird little balls look exactly like that. Consistency is a quality we admire. View some awesome photos of Dominika. Her sleeve takes you for a ride and that ride is a source of wild excitement right from the start.
View some awesome photos of Nikki. But the real MVP is her lady sleeve. LOOK at it. AND it has a bunch of textures that will take you from one sensation to another in very quick succession. The torture chamber is next, and is slightly reminiscent of the inside of an iron maiden, all spikey and terrifying.
My personal bet is that not many make it past this one, but if you do, you dive dick first into the last bit that gets progressively tighter, so the ribbing feels closer and closer around your dick. With Fleshlights especially, you may need to be a bit more careful, because the cleaning process is not as straight-forward as it seems, and do you really want your dick to touch popcorn butter jizz? Of course Doom Upon Your Palm - Harbourkings - The Big Kahuna you change your mind you can unsubscribe easily by clicking the unsubscribe link at the bottom of each email.
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